"Spelling Bees are useless and unnecessary competitions. Before Microsoft Word and Google, Spelling Bees had value, but now they are all superflewus."
"I’ve spent a lifetime learning to love—the lifetime of a chameleon. But hey, I’ve learned a lot in the last year, though you couldn’t tell because I camouflage my feelings."
"I’ll bet opening a store called Boobs and Books would increase literacy. I prefer a hands-on approach to learning."
"I think I’m mouth blind and that’s why all food tastes bland. The only things that have any flavor are the words I love you."
"The naked truth is anything but naked. But it will be soon enough, if I keep giving it alcohol."
"If I could bronze my love, it’d be worthy of a silver medal. I would pour you a large glass of Michael Phelps, but I don’t have that much water."