If I waste all my charity, all I’ll wind up with in the end... - Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"She had eyes like sunsets, and every time she blinked it felt like the end of the world, otherwise known as night."

"It’s not who you know that matters—it’s who knows you that’s important. Personal branding builds up your reputation to the point where you have a presence even in your absence."

"The love of my life has made me the happiest man ever. This ever-smiling man/mannequin is so happy because he’s got no brain, and in this way is identical to anyone who still rah-rahs for either a Republican or a Democrat."

"The scent of success, it smells like body odor."

"To attract a lover, you need to craft the perfect Craigslist ad. Here’s mine: Free TV with purchase of potato chips and couch."