"I put the sing in single—especially when I’m in the shower. Does anybody have any requests they’d like to shout out while the water’s getting hot? As always, silence all cell phones during the duration of my performance."
"It’s true, I can’t make you love me. But I can refuse to let you out of your cage."
"Our love, that’s real. Our currency, the dollar, that’s imaginary. Invest in us, and I promise you that you won’t lose your life’s savings."
"The sun rose and tinted the sky rose, that floral red teeming with romance, and it filtered in thoughts of the love I used to have for her."
"Everyone’s different, and in that way everyone’s the same. Stand out by sitting down. Try my love seat—it’s made for two people, so you can be comfortably obese."
"Either I will love you, or I will love you if and only if you love me in return. I prefer the former."