"I put the sing in single—especially when I’m in the shower. Does anybody have any requests they’d like to shout out while the water’s getting hot? As always, silence all cell phones during the duration of my performance."
"I like coffee tables. I’m into drinkable furniture."
"The Federal Government pushing drugs and then punishing marijuana growers is like the pot calling the kettle green."
"Trying to hide my feelings to avoid getting hurt just ends up hurting not only myself—but also the person I am hiding my feelings from."
"The storm is coming whether you’re aware of it or not, and whether you’re prepared for it or not. Thank God you have a man like me in your life, a man with a variety of umbrellas for sale in an affordable range of prices."
"Just when you thought you’d considered all the angles, life goes from a square to a cube. Love should also be 3D."