When red fights with white, pink is always the winner. Let t... - Jarod Kintz, My love can only occupy one person at a time

"When red fights with white, pink is always the winner. Let that be a lesson in love."

"They should make bubblegum that tastes like mashed potatoes. You know, for lovers."

"With friends like me, who needs mannequins? My love for you is statuesque. Come, let us dance like we’re made of stone."

"I’m a book lover. I’ve probably already fucked a whole library."

"My ashtray is full, the carton of cigarettes is empty, and I just cremated grandpa. But I never inhaled—or told him I loved him."