I’m a book lover. I’ve probably already fucked a whole libra... - Jarod Kintz, My love can only occupy one person at a time

"My ashtray is full, the carton of cigarettes is empty, and I just cremated grandpa. But I never inhaled—or told him I loved him."

"With friends like me, who needs mannequins? My love for you is statuesque. Come, let us dance like we’re made of stone."

"They should make bubblegum that tastes like mashed potatoes. You know, for lovers."

"I’m a book lover. I’ve probably already fucked a whole library."

"My ashtray is full, the carton of cigarettes is empty, and I just cremated grandpa. But I never inhaled—or told him I loved him."