"An empty ketchup bottle full of romantic quotes is just what I need to turn my cheeseburger into the perfect lover. Now you can get more romantic for an upcharge of just 69 cents."
"Let’s be romantic and dance in the rain. I’ll prove my feelings for you by bringing an umbrella, because I’m drowning in my love for you."
"I watched the leaves change colors, and I thought, “People do that too. Their hair changes color as they age.” I remember that as my grandpa got older, his hair went from green to yellow to red, like a traffic light, only with slightly less honking."
"I have a lot of faith. I mean, I believe I do."
"I just developed a gun that shoots mustaches. Sometimes a disguise can be deadly, especially if it’s your love you’re trying to camouflage."
"I’ll be your Dostoevsky, if you’ll be my Tolstoy. Our life together will be so full of despair that death will be like a gulag full of joy."