"If I found 20 dollars on the ground, I’d be willing to bet I’d find someone in desperate need of money that I could give it to. And I’d bet 20 dollars, so even after finding and giving away 20 dollars, I’d have made 20 dollars."
"Being a waiter is a waste of time, because think of all that waiting. But it’s better than loving someone who doesn’t love you back, because if you’re going to wait around, you might as well get paid for it."
"Our love, that’s real. Our currency, the dollar, that’s imaginary. Invest in us, and I promise you that you won’t lose your life’s savings."
"The sky itches and that’s why I tickled it with the feather of a bird. Do you realize it’s been 14 days since two weeks ago? Boy, time flies."
"If football players wanted to protect their brains from injury they’d wear astronaut helmets. After all, astronauts have massive IQ’s, so wearing their protective headgear seems like a smart choice."
"In the land of Gibberish, the man who makes sense, the man who speaks clearly, clearly speaks nonsense."