"Every day I think today could be my last day. My only fear is dying without telling her I love her one more time. All I pray for is one more time."
"The business of business is people, not products or services. Take care of the people, and the people will take care of you."
"For the funeral I needed a plus one, so I rented a hooker. And then I rented a movie. Rest in peace Grandpa, or whoever you were."
"To make my meal in a box taste better, I decided to tweak the logo, rather than the ingredients."
"Are all caps really necessary? No need to shout at me. My hearing is perfect when the words arrive in my mind through my eyes."
"If a company won't hire you, why don't you start your own company? Steve Jobs created jobs, he didn't apply for them. #Startup your dreams."