Her love is more aww than awe, and even if were awesome, I w... - Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I used to think how lucky she was to have me, but now I realize that’s backwards. A spirit of gratitude yields patience, love, and forgiveness."

"I just invented a hug machine. It’s solar powered so you can use it when you feel depressed, like on a cloudy day. Shit."

"Meatloaf is graphable in how far ahead it is in likeability categories. You can also play Mop the Floor with it. I make love like I make dinner that makes cleaning the kitchen more fun for the whole family."

"A window—it’s more entertaining than TV. Just ask a cat looking out, or a man looking in on a life he desires."

"The clouds are like marble in the sky, and I just want to make a kitchen counter out of the atmosphere. I can cook like a flock of birds."