More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"If you find yourself thirsting for my love, don’t forget that I sell straws in a variety of flavors. What is the price of romance? Good question. Today only it’s on sale for half-off wholesale prices. Everything must go. My entire inventory of straws is being liquidated."
"Spelling Bees are useless and unnecessary competitions. Before Microsoft Word and Google, Spelling Bees had value, but now they are all superflewus."
"The heart sees what the eyes do not, and the heart hears what the ears cannot. Sight and sound are vibrations, and so is love."
"I make love like I make coffee. Tuesdays and Thursdays I offer free refills."
"Put your middle finger and your thumb together. And make it snappy."