More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I drink coffee like steam is the ghost of dead water. Ever tried inhaling the afterlife?"
"My cat is ignorant of the law. But then so am I. That means I am not his master, because we are both slaves."
"My love is powdered sunshine. Just add water. (Warning: Do NOT attempt to snort it or distribute as a healthy cocaine substitute.)"
"Knocking on a door is so violent. Instead, try talking to the door to get it to open up to you. I should write a self-help book for door-to-door salesmen."
"Tweeting is talking into the abyss, filling a void in your life by avoiding real human contact."