How’s my mom? My mother’s well, like a painting—a Motherwell... - Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

"I’d rather fake my own fog, than fake a steamy love scene. Can I interest you in some mist? It’s homemade."

"An exercise in unknowing is not the same as not knowing or forgetting."

"If one unlabeled bottle holds nonfat milk, what does the second unlabeled bottle contain? If you answered “Whole milk” then you’re obviously not ready to receive a jug of my love. So I’ll just pour it in someone else’s coffee."

"Tomorrow is promised to no man, though I’m under the impression I have an earthly meeting with God on the day after tomorrow. So that’s nice."

"With my last breath, I’ll exhale my love for you. I hope it’s a cold day, so you can see what you meant to me."