"Every night I cuddle with a blob of unbaked clay I fashioned in the shape of a woman. But that’s what being in love is all about."
"Nobody can make you feel ignorant but you—the you from before, the one who skipped school and slept in class. By you, of course, I mean me."
"She says he says, but she could be lying to me, and he could be lying to her, so I can’t believe her, even if I could believe her."
"If one unlabeled bottle holds nonfat milk, what does the second unlabeled bottle contain? If you answered “Whole milk” then you’re obviously not ready to receive a jug of my love. So I’ll just pour it in someone else’s coffee."
"With my last breath, I’ll exhale my love for you. I hope it’s a cold day, so you can see what you meant to me."
"I want to go to Martha’s Vineyard. I have an aunt named Martha. And an uncle by that name. Neither one is related to me."