I can’t can’t, but since I can’t, I clearly can. - Jarod Kintz, So many chairs, and no time to sit

"It’s impossible for me to applaud your successes when my hands are too busy patting myself on the back. But if I clap for you, and you pat my back, we can both feel like winners."

"For your birthday I got you some batteries. They’re dead, just like you’ll soon be."

"I ate a rainbow in a bowl, because it’s better than eating rain soup. Food and water aren’t supposed to be one and the same."

"For your birthday I got you some batteries. They’re dead, just like you’ll soon be."

"You don’t know her like I do, because you don’t know her like I don’t. It’s true, I don’t know her at all. What’s she like?"