I can’t can’t, but since I can’t, I clearly can. - Jarod Kintz, So many chairs, and no time to sit

"For your birthday I got you some batteries. They’re dead, just like you’ll soon be."

"I ate a rainbow in a bowl, because it’s better than eating rain soup. Food and water aren’t supposed to be one and the same."

"Wisdom is knowledge plus courage. You not only have to know what to do and when—but you have to be brave enough to actually act on it."

"For your birthday I got you some batteries. They’re dead, just like you’ll soon be."

"I rarely drink, but last night, after several hours and several beers at the bar, I found myself face to face with two huge boobs. They weren’t the breasts of a young woman, but those of an old man. Still, the taste of a nipple is genderless."