"I had a second friend come over to my house, and do you know what I called her? A refill. If relationships aren’t drinkable, why do we thirst for them so much?"
"My I love yous were watered down, which was how I was able to grow such a beautiful garden. I’m a relationship farmer, and I’m growing as a person."
"I make love like I make coffee. Tuesdays and Thursdays I offer free refills."
"A can’t in a can—it’s carbonated failure that’s ready to drink. It tastes like the back half of love."
"I buried the lasagna, because it was better than disposing of a dead body. I’ve been burned in a relationship, but never in an oven. I’ll try harder."
"Nobody looks at what can’t look. We don’t see what doesn’t see. If love is blind, then so are we, because it’s all around us."