More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"You haven’t seen nothing until you’ve seen zero. You also haven’t seen nothing until you’ve seen all the love I have for politicians."
"I went out to eat on a restaurant’s opening night. It was packed! I guess people heard I’d be dining there and came to adore me."
"I loved her as long as a midget. It was gruesome, and then I grew some."
"Love one person at a time, that’s the motto I’ll try to get my clones to live by."
"The other day I woke up to find my girlfriend already gone from the house, and a sticky note on the fridge that said, "I love you.""Oh my God,"I thought. "Somebody's obsessed with me, and they kidnapped my girlfriend just to get closer to me."