"I have a tongue like a rose petal, and when I say I love you, it has the fragrance of truth. My words are my garden, and I’m planting our future."
"I just bought a bag of potato-chip-flavored air. I also bought a bed, but sleep wasn’t included. Thank God a cup of coffee is full of wakefulness."
"I asked for info, and he offered it for a price. Now I’m selling him my security services, and if he doesn’t pay me, I’m going to give him a karate lesson—for free."
"Only a fool tells people that only fools buy gold. In the coming future, I’d rather have fool’s gold than dollar bills. Ask Zimbabwe."
"Read her poetry before you make love to her. That way she’ll be asleep when you do. I’m as romantic as a rocking chair with wheels."
"I’ll mark up my services 200%, and then offer them to you at a 50% discount—because I like you so much. That’s the Mother-in-law Discount."