I have liquid lips, and my kisses are smooth as wine. Why po... - Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I just bought a bag of potato-chip-flavored air. I also bought a bed, but sleep wasn’t included. Thank God a cup of coffee is full of wakefulness."

"Now that I’m 33.3 years old, the days of blue and green are behind me. I have left the earthy and entered into the purple phase of my life."

"My life is but a firefly’s flicker, so I’d better use my brief moment to light up the darkness that covers her path."

"If I waste all my charity, all I’ll wind up with in the end is the wind. Still, I think I want to be the Dandelion of Love."

"I’ll mark up my services 200%, and then offer them to you at a 50% discount—because I like you so much. That’s the Mother-in-law Discount."