More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Tweeting is talking into the abyss, filling a void in your life by avoiding real human contact."
"I make furniture that can be used as weapons. The most dangerous piece of furniture is the Loveseat."
"Dinner was a riot, but the food was bland, so I doused it with pepper spray. The chef wanted to protest, but he didn’t, because I had the pepper spray."
"You can use your mouth to speak the words I love you, or you can use your mouth to kiss me and transport love from your mind to my heart."
"Love is a boomerang dripped in honey, in that it emanates from me just as surely as it will return to me. Still, I think I’d much rather wash my hands and be done with it."