More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I make friends as easily as water freezes in an active volcano. Remember: handshakes feel more natural if you leave your rubber gloves at home. Unless you enjoy networking in public restrooms."
"Pizza is circular. So is an hour. I’ll take two slices—to go."
"I lost interest in her because she said the wrong thing. She said nothing."
"Gold is liquid sunlight frozen in time, and that’s why I love the way ice melts in vodka. I also love the way ice melts in vodka. I’ll have another shot, if you’ll reload the revolver."
"I make furniture that can be used as weapons. The most dangerous piece of furniture is the Loveseat."