"I would argue that unless the two people are in love, all sex is bad sex, because why eat cotton candy when you can have edible clouds? Sure, it seems sweet at the time, but that’s just a carnival and carnal rush and wears off quickly. But love adds an extra dimension that takes an earthy thing like sex and makes it absolutely heavenly."
"Why aren’t red traffic lights heart-shaped? Probably because it’s not like rush hour can get any more romantic."
"I’ve got a nice racket going. I make tennis ball swatters. My favorite score is love all. That’s also how I live my life."
"Knocking on a door is so violent. Talk on the door. Try to get it to open up through communication, not violence."
"Candle making is a half-ass business, because the product is only useful half the day, at night. Why not make candles that double as dildos, and make it a whole-ass business."
"I may not be able to remember your name, but I remember your address and what time you leave in the mornings. Your name isn’t Rob, is it?"