"If I could make tea out of your love, would it be hot, or iced? Would it be black, or green? Would it be sweet, or unsweet? Would you offer free refills?"
"I believe the way to master my destiny is to serve others. If I raise up others, am I not also raised up?"
"Being a waiter is a waste of time, because think of all that waiting. But it’s better than loving someone who doesn’t love you back, because if you’re going to wait around, you might as well get paid for it."
"I just bought a bag of poetry, but it was mostly air. The author must have learned from the potato chip industry."
"Reading makes you ready for the world. A man who doesn’t read is a man who is easily deceived. You must find that man and make him sign a contract, and you must do it before Satan does. Trust me, the profits are HUGE!"
"Tweeting is talking into the abyss, filling a void in your life by avoiding real human contact."