More quotes by Jarod Kintz, Xazaqazax

"As a fan of Agatha Christie, I think a brilliant mystery novel would be trying to identify the meat contents in a McDonald’s hamburger."
"I always thought it was Mo Be Dick. I know Mo, and he is a dick."
"A scaly lizard in soapy water makes a great scrubber. I’d wash my hands of her, if I didn’t enjoy being treated like a dishrag so much."
"When I compete, I leave it all on the table. That's my philosophy for the Hot Dog Eating Contest. Do you know what's in those things? Gross!"
"They should make cell phones that are dishwasher safe. My cup runneth over—especially since both our drinks are in one glass because I’m too lazy to load the shotgun."