I bought a faucet, but water wasn’t included. That’s like wh... - Jarod Kintz, Xazaqazax

"A scaly lizard in soapy water makes a great scrubber. I’d wash my hands of her, if I didn’t enjoy being treated like a dishrag so much."

"The naked truth is the naked truth isn’t naked—it’s wearing see-thru clothing. My duty as a nudist is to let people see I’m transparent."

"As a fan of Agatha Christie, I think a brilliant mystery novel would be trying to identify the meat contents in a McDonald’s hamburger."

"If my favorite three letters are X, Z, and Q, then my favorite word is Xazaqazax. It means “a lover of love."

"They should make cell phones that are dishwasher safe. My cup runneth over—especially since both our drinks are in one glass because I’m too lazy to load the shotgun."