If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eye... - Kurt Vonnegut

"Do you realize that all great literature — "Moby Dick,""Huckleberry Finn,""A Farewell to Arms,""The Scarlet Letter,""The Red Badge of Courage,""The Iliad and The Odyssey,""Crime and Punishment,"the Bible, and "The Charge of the Light Brigade"— are all about what a bummer it is to be a ...human being?"

"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand."

"Sometimes I think it is a great mistake to have matter that can think and feel. It complains so. By the same token, though, I suppose that boulders and mountains and moons could be accused of being a little too phlegmatic."

"Take it moment by moment, and you will find that we are all, as I’ve said before, bugs in amber."

"Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter could be said to remedy anything."