If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eye... - Kurt Vonnegut

"When we passed a Catholic church, I recalled, he said, "You think your dad's a good chemist? They're turning soda crackers into meat in there. Can your dad do that?"

"One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have died in vain. You will have entertained us."

"When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth."

"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand."

"Who is more to be pitied, a writer bound and gagged by policemen or one living in perfect freedom who has nothing more to say?"