"If you find yourself thirsting for my love, don’t forget that I sell straws in a variety of flavors. What is the price of romance? Good question. Today only it’s on sale for half-off wholesale prices. Everything must go. My entire inventory of straws is being liquidated."
"Only a fool would say they’re not a fool. Well, I am not a fool, which is why I say I am a fool."
"To know is good, but to know how to use that knowledge is better. And to acknowledge the wisdom in this is the best."
"I had a second friend come over to my house, and do you know what I called her? A refill. If relationships aren’t drinkable, why do we thirst for them so much?"
"A relationship is a sales process, and sometimes you must buy to sell, and when you sell it is to the benefit of both of you."
"I drink coffee like steam is the ghost of dead water. Ever tried inhaling the afterlife?"