"If you’re going to hang around and watch me write, you might as well have a noose around your neck. Would you mind if I kicked the chair out from under your feet? You’re standing on my only place to sit."
"Lightning doesn’t thunder twice. Let that be a lesson in love."
"The best part about being a writer is being able to communicate with people without moving my lips. The mouth is better used for kissing."
"It's a fact that men make more money than women. That's why I became a man. Best decision of my life."
"Reading makes you ready for the world. A man who doesn’t read is a man who is easily deceived. You must find that man and make him sign a contract, and you must do it before Satan does. Trust me, the profits are HUGE!"
"I find out a lot about myself by sleeping. Dreams, they are who I am when I’m too tired to be me."