"I'm a big believer than a great bit is a great bit - if I go and see someone I love, like Robert Klein. I want to hear some classics and some new stuff. But a great stand-up bit takes a long time to really polish and perfect, and they're beautiful things when they're done."
"If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?"
"It s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper."
"Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason"
"Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door."
"Elaine: Ugh, I hate people.Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst."