More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Love is like war, except without all the blood and death and stuff."
"I’ve found newspapers only useful as kindling material for campfires. It’s been said that newspaper articles are written at a fifth grade reading level. If so, I can’t figure out why journalists would write something that the average high school senior can’t even read."
"I gave her a hundred dollar bill. She said, “Thanks, how can I repay you?” I replied, “Two fifties would be good, but three fifties would be better."
"My name represents me, but it’s not who I am. It’s just a collection of letters. Unfortunately, none of them are love letters."
"If love were a dolphin with wings and a unicorn’s horn, being ridden by a blind leprechaun dressed like Rasputin, would you believe in second chances for love at first sight?"