More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Hotel hallways should have conveyer belts for floors, so I can feel like a grocery item on vacation. I guess I’m just a romantic."
"Myth, mist, and mystery all add to the illusion of love. If you need me I’ll be by the fog machine wearing a tunic and writing an epic poem in Greek."
"I’m a natural salesman. I sold my soul to the devil. I’m so shrewd that I got pennies on the dollar for it. Ha! Wait, a buyer who gets pennies on the dollar is the clever one in the deal. Damn it! Lucifer tricked me!"
"If I could make tea out of your love, would it be hot, or iced? Would it be black, or green? Would it be sweet, or unsweet? Would you offer free refills?"
"Do you know how much laughter is in a single bag of chips? Enough to feed a seriously starved midget for a week. Now with 33.3% reduced fat!"