"You can never be too early to stand around and wait. You can have a seat in this chair, after I cinch the noose around my neck and you kick it out from under my legs."
"The world is a sad place today. I miss the good ol’ days. Gosh, why can’t I just go back to last weekend?"
"I wouldn’t feel great if you left me alone, but I wouldn’t feel bad either. I’d feel good, like I always do, which has nothing to do with you, even if you’ll have nothing to do with me."
"Leadership is being the first to put others second. Wait, that’s not right. That’s politics."
"I fall in love with you four times a year: winter, spring, summer, and fall. The leaves may change, but how I feel about you does not."
"If I found 20 dollars on the ground, I’d be willing to bet I’d find someone in desperate need of money that I could give it to. And I’d bet 20 dollars, so even after finding and giving away 20 dollars, I’d have made 20 dollars."