"I'm the most terrific liar you ever saw in your life. It's awful. If I'm on my way to the store to buy a magazine, even, and somebody asks me where I'm going, I'm liable to say I'm going to the opera. It's terrible."
"The more expensive a school is, the more crooks it has — I'm not kidding."
"It's partly true, too, but it isn't all true. People always think something's all true."
"You can't stop a teacher when they want to do something. They just do it."
"Anyway, I'm sort of glad they've got the atomic bomb invented. If there's ever another war, I'm going to sit right the hell on top of it. I'll volunteer for it, I swear to God I will."
"I am always saying "Glad to've met you"to somebody I'm not at all glad I met. If you want to stay alive, you have to say that stuff, though."