More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"If you own the most profitable manure distribution warehouse in the world, you might not like the smell of success."
"Why pay for an undesirable outcome with someone else? For the same money, you could have paid me to stay at home and do nothing."
"Dinner was a riot, but the food was bland, so I doused it with pepper spray. The chef wanted to protest, but he didn’t, because I had the pepper spray."
"I love the sound of the trees in the breeze. If the forest is so clearly musical, why can’t it play the guitar while I sing Nirvana covers?"
"I make love like I make coffins—with my bare hands, alone in my garage. On sale through Thursday—Buy One Funeral, Get A Second One Free!"