"Dinner was a riot, but the food was bland, so I doused it with pepper spray. The chef wanted to protest, but he didn’t, because I had the pepper spray."
"One of my main regrets in life is giving considerable thought to inconsiderate people."
"Your personal brand should be like water: not only clear, but transparent to the public. People thirst for that, and they will drink you up."
"If it’s the last kiss, we’d better make it last. I hope you don’t have anywhere to be, because I have the rest of my life free."
"Sure, I had hopes and dreams before working at @McDonalds. I used to want to be a dancer and a gardener and grow movement on a farm in Iowa."
"Nostalgia is being blind to the bad and only remembering the good. Thinking about all the love I had for her is a positively Helen-Kelleresque experience."