"Losing your mind is preferable to losing your woman, because if you lose your woman you will also lose your mind, and then you’re left with nothing."
"Half-assing it twice isn’t giving it 100%, but both can be yours for the one-time low-price of half off. Also on SALE now: My love. Order yours today."
"Love isn’t in a hurry like a flurry of flowery words on paper. It’s lush and slow to grow its aroma in the garden of time."
"I love when my cat crushes his forehead into mine like my skull is an empty beer can. But it’s not—there’s still a sip left."
"Money is not equal for all people. A strong personal brand adds more lift and leverage. One dollar from me may buy a soda from a car dealership, but one dollar from Justin Bieber may get him a Ferrari. And they'd pay him to drive away."
"When she tried to seduce me, I got suspicious, thinking she was just after my massive fortune. Then I relaxed, when I remembered I'm poor."