I keep my motivational book collection in the fridge. Hey, W... - Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I don’t believe in the zodiac. Whenever anybody asks me what my sign is, I always say “Yield."

"I just bought a new dishwasher. Some guy was selling two of them in a barn, and it was either that or get a horse, but horses leave spots on silverware."

"I made a cauldron of coffee, and I was thinking we could chug it and then teach each other how to dance by using the bottom of a floating canoe as a ballroom."

"I meet people to know I’m not alone. I network like an astronaut on the moon."

"My past is black and my future is blank. My only canvas is the present. The best color to paint with is love."