I keep my motivational book collection in the fridge. Hey, W... - Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I think trees should bloom earlier in the spring. They act like they are on a schedule. It’s not like they have anywhere to go."

"I just bought a new dishwasher. Some guy was selling two of them in a barn, and it was either that or get a horse, but horses leave spots on silverware."

"A relationship is a sales process, and sometimes you must buy to sell, and when you sell it is to the benefit of both of you."

"My girlfriend bought me a collared shirt for my birthday, mainly so I don’t get too far ahead of her when she takes me for a walk."

"Love is like war, except without all the blood and death and stuff."