"Love is like 9.75 plus .25. That’s 10, for all of you people trying to add fractions on your fingers. I can only count using eight, because I’m too busy using my middle fingers to tell the politicians how much I love them."
"I use two yards of wrapping paper per one inch of present. Luckily I gave you the gift of love, so I was able to wrap it in tinfoil. Uncover before reheating."
"A slinky is a toy made for stairs, but that’s entirely too tiresome. What about a toy for escalators that doesn’t move and does nothing and that’s the whole point? I think Americans would relate to and embrace that mentality."
"Only a fool would say they’re not a fool. Well, I am not a fool, which is why I say I am a fool."
"It's a black and white issue: gray is grey, and there's no two ways about it."
"The heart sees what the eyes do not, and the heart hears what the ears cannot. Sight and sound are vibrations, and so is love."