"Networking is more quality, and less quantity. It’s better to form a solid connection with one new person, than a liquid connection with ten. You don’t want people to think you drink too much."
"She plants love, and she grows roses. The fragrance of romance comes from the blossom that blooms in the heart."
"For the funeral I needed a plus one, so I rented a hooker. And then I rented a movie. Rest in peace Grandpa, or whoever you were."
"My soul is invisible, like an anorexic’s dinner, but it sure enhances how I feel about my body."
"My past is black and my future is blank. My only canvas is the present. The best color to paint with is love."
"I had a second friend come over to my house, and do you know what I called her? A refill. If relationships aren’t drinkable, why do we thirst for them so much?"