More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I should combine a car bumper with a belt, for a fashion accessory that’s safe for office romances. Powdered love poetry sold separately."
"I’m hungry but I won’t order 18 tubs of ketchup and a spoon. No, I’ll order it because I’m thirsty, and I’ll ask for a straw."
"Don’t shave my head to make your wig of selfishness. Shave it because you care."
"Now that I’m 33.3 years old, the days of blue and green are behind me. I have left the earthy and entered into the purple phase of my life."
"I dance so fluid you’d think I’m a fish. I don’t need to drink to be able to dance—I am the drink. Have a sip and find out for yourself."