Nobody wants to look like a fool. Nine times out of ten, tha... - Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

"I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels."

"I may not look like much, but I'm an expert at pretending to be a ninja."

"After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, "You named your breasts?"I turned my back to him with a shrug. "I named my ovaries, too, but they don't get out as much."

"Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that. - T-shirt"

"I stood and walked around the desk so I could stand over him. Menacingly. Like Darth Vader, only with better lung capacity."