"Nostalgia is being blind to the bad and only remembering the good. Thinking about all the love I had for her is a positively Helen-Kelleresque experience."
"Tweeting is talking into the abyss, filling a void in your life by avoiding real human contact."
"Her love used to be my lighthouse, and now it feels like I'm treading water in the dark. I’ll bet as soon as I start swimming, the sun will rise and color the sky with the romance of rose."
"Hoping to win the lottery to escape your existence is like waiting on a unicorn to give you a ride out of town. If you’re interested, I’m selling saddles."
"Losing your mind is preferable to losing your woman, because if you lose your woman you will also lose your mind, and then you’re left with nothing."
"I’ve got a nice racket going. I make tennis ball swatters. My favorite score is love all. That’s also how I live my life."