"Nostalgia is being blind to the bad and only remembering the good. Thinking about all the love I had for her is a positively Helen-Kelleresque experience."
"Is it easier to get you to do what I want with a fist to your face, or a gentle pat on the back and a handshake? Let this be a lesson in power."
"To get people to notice you, you must be unique. If I were invisible, everybody would see me for who I am as a person."
"There's someone for everyone. And when my clones get here, everyone will be able to have that someone. Prices start at $99."
"I just got done digging a hole shaped like a human body. But I have no idea what to bury. I’ll probably hide all my love for you, like I would with any other treasure."
"Together kabobs make the world better than all the Bobs combined. Well, at least ever since Bob Ross moved on to the land of the happy trees."