"One day I’ll have my appointment with death, and every day I call out to God to see if I can reschedule for a later date."
"Hydrogenated and androgynous milky white love is all I have to offer you. Would you like me to pour it in your coffee, or directly into your soul?"
"You know that I know you know, but I want you to know that I know you know I know you know I know. It’s important for you to know that, you know?"
"What’s the opposite of start? Would the average person think stop or finish? The answer may reflect the difference between a winner and a loser."
"My grandpa died yesterday. I ought to know, because I shot him. So come, join me in the fight against patricide by killing your father’s father."
"Love will find you eventually, I guarantee it. That’s why you need to buy an invisible cloak from me for the one-time low price of $77,777.77. Offer valid for emotional invalids only."