"One day I’ll have my appointment with death, and every day I call out to God to see if I can reschedule for a later date."
"Education will only take you so far. To go even further, I’d recommend getting a piggyback ride from a midget half your body weight."
"One day I’ll have my appointment with death, and every day I call out to God to see if I can reschedule for a later date."
"Faith: a device of the mind, fed by the soul, that functions like crutches to a man in a wheelchair."
"You know that I know you know, but I want you to know that I know you know I know you know I know. It’s important for you to know that, you know?"
"I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that your house hasn't burned down, you don't have cancer, and your daughter hasn't been raped or murdered. The bad news is that I ran over your dog. And your son. And his wife. But not before I ran out of gas to achieve all of that."