"You know that I know you know, but I want you to know that I know you know I know you know I know. It’s important for you to know that, you know?"
"I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that your house hasn't burned down, you don't have cancer, and your daughter hasn't been raped or murdered. The bad news is that I ran over your dog. And your son. And his wife. But not before I ran out of gas to achieve all of that."
"Death cannot stop true love. That’s why it’s pointless for me to try to murder all my adoring female fans."
"Education will only take you so far. To go even further, I’d recommend getting a piggyback ride from a midget half your body weight."
"Reading a book is like having the ability to dip a straw into the author’s soul and sip and slurp without lowering the water table of wisdom."
"Reading a book is like having the ability to dip a straw into the author’s soul and sip and slurp without lowering the water table of wisdom."