More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"A squeegee is a sponge on a stick, and if there is a tangible item that’s more romantic, I don’t know what it is. Never go on a first date without one."
"I give 110% in love. If that seems absurd, just know that I used presidential voting machines to calculate that number. It's totally legit."
"She said she loved me, and I didn’t believe it for a minute. Maybe 59 seconds, but not a whole minute. I may be gullible, but I’m not without an accurate way to measure time."
"I make furniture that can be used as weapons. The most dangerous piece of furniture is the Loveseat."
"If I found 20 dollars on the ground, I’d be willing to bet I’d find someone in desperate need of money that I could give it to. And I’d bet 20 dollars, so even after finding and giving away 20 dollars, I’d have made 20 dollars."