More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"It’s been said that men think only about sex and food. And some men, like my uncle Lester, think about sex with food. Needless to say the church has ordered him to cease bringing his own food to the potlucks."
"Her heart is so dark, if it were ink it’d be beyond black and would only be good for writing a murder mystery novel."
"I’m not waiting until my hair turns white to become patient and wise. Nope, I’m dyeing my hair tonight."
"Love is a boomerang dripped in honey, in that it emanates from me just as surely as it will return to me. Still, I think I’d much rather wash my hands and be done with it."
"I’m 33, and an 18-year-old girl called me old. I said, “You may be temporarily young, but you’ll forever be childish.” Then I put gum in her hair."