"Professional wrestling is a lot like cuddling, I thought as I hugged a tree. As far as lumberjacks go, I’m slow, but when the tree finally falls for me, it falls hard."
"Instead of a vow of silence, I took a vow of invisibility. At that time you were looking for someone to love, and that’s why you couldn’t see me."
"A window—it’s more entertaining than TV. Just ask a cat looking out, or a man looking in on a life he desires."
"Combine a fog machine and a cotton candy maker to create delicious mystery. This is the heart of romance."
"He said he wanted to trade lives with me, saying he wanted what I have. He must want for nothing, because that’s exactly what I have."
"I used the boos, and not the booze, as motivation. That led to applause, which I drank up like an alcoholic. I need a refill."