More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I want to create a 3-4 deal—buy three for the price of four. Offer valid for any product but love, which is one for the price of two only."
"I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are."
"There's someone for everyone. And when my clones get here, everyone will be able to have that someone. Prices start at $99."
"I love coffee cake, but I would prefer if it were just a little more drinkable. I almost choked while chugging some this morning, and if it weren’t for the fluid nature of clownfish, I might have caught feelings for Hillary using a basketball net."
"To show you I love you, I bought you an antique watch. You can tell it's old because it doesn't even work. I got a great deal on it."