"She said she loved me, and I didn’t believe it for a minute. Maybe 59 seconds, but not a whole minute. I may be gullible, but I’m not without an accurate way to measure time."
"She asked me how I slept. Knowing she meant quality of sleep, I said I slept naked. It’s true. Ask any of the joggers who saw me sleepwalking."
"What reading level is the word love? It’s a four-letter word everybody knows the meaning of, but nobody can define it."
"I make naked, and I make it by hand. I also make it using the rest of my body. Coming soon to a Walmart near you."
"What’s the point of being the first to arrive? Nobody is there to witness your commitment."
"A tree with red leaves is like an old man with gray hair. Likewise, my love for you was blue, but now it’s orange, and that’s a compliment."