Success breeds slackery. And I breed in the backery of the b... - Jarod Kintz, Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

"To be the only one who knows is lonely. No wonder Solomon, the wisest man, needed 900 concubines."

"To me, impulsive means foolish. But if a person’s not a little impulsive, they don’t have a pulse."

"It’s easier to hide your smoking habit on a foggy day. Let that be a lesson for you and your secret lover."

"Couples should be able to share their dreams with one another. That’s why for just $69.69, you’ll like what I have to sell you. It’s not just one tube and two suction cups you each attach to your foreheads—it’s the Dream Tunnel."

"I’m not a very good sleeper. But you know what? I’m willing to put in a few extra hours every day to get better. That’s just the kind of hard worker I am."