More quotes by Jon Stewart

"I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days."
"Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion."
"Most world religions denounced war as a barbaric waste of human life. We treasured the teachings of these religions so dearly that we frequently had to wage war in order to impose them on other people."
"I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character."
"Get there early because hope does not park your mother-fucking car."